Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief ... a Herculean Bore

For the uninformed (most of us over the age of 12), the Percy books are said to be the next Harry Potter series. Except that Harry—onscreen, at least—has an interesting hero, fun sidekicks and a fully realized fantasy world. Judging from this film, the most Percy has is a few scenes with computer-generated Greek gods that fare worse than the old stop-motion ones.

See, Percy Jackson is an average teen who has a Greek god for a daddy (but doesn't know it). And when someone steals Zeus' prized lightning bolt, all signs point to the boy who lives like a human but is actually a demigod.

Truthfully, the cheesy FX actually make the film more tolerable, as Percy's quest involves a three-headed Hydra, a psychedelic trip to Vegas that's accompanied by Lady Gaga's "Poker Face," and more. But even then, it's really only bearable, never inspired.

So this quest Percy and his mates must go on involves going to the underworld to save Percy's mother (Catherine Keener). Hades (a funny Steve Coogan) believes Percy stole Zeus' lightning bolt and will trade the kid his mom for this "ultimate weapon." Since Percy doesn't have said bolt, all he can do, with the help of fellow demigod pals, is sneak past Hades, grab his mom and maybe find the real lightning thief.

This is certainly a decent setup for a new fantasy series, but Logan Lerman (Gamer) plays Percy as the most generic young adult since the Narnia kids. This is unfortunate, since he and his costars Alexandra Daddario and Brandon T. Jackson have been saddled with roles that need charming and charismatic performances. Having to watch Percy go from mopey teen to angsty demigod teen just isn't very interesting.

Director Chris Columbus might not be the most subtle of filmmakers, but in the past he's had a knack for casting strong kids in big roles (the first two Harry Potter movies, Home Alone). This cast is simply too generic. None of the young thespians stick out.

Thankfully, Columbus' other talent has been getting veteran actors to play important parts in his films. So while the main characters are a washout, things get fun when Uma Thurman shows up...as Medusa! Her big eyes, porcelain skin and great hammy energy hit just the right note as she tries to turn our heroes to stone.

Also along for the ride: a siren temptress in the form of Rosario Dawson and Pierce Brosnan as a centaur. Props to Pierce for completely going with it and making it work.

Legion Easily the Year's Best Movie About Badass Angels

It seems that God's just a wee bit temperamental, and has gotten tired of human b.s., so it's extermination time. Too bad for him that Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) somehow knows better than the being who brought about all creation, and has torn off his wings and stolen a bunch of guns in order to protect some random unborn child who will supposedly save mankind (how exactly this will happen is never explained in the slightest).

At a small desert diner called Paradise Falls (which is a pun, get it? "Falls" is a verb as well as a noun!), the final showdown begins. An unshaven, alcoholic Dennis Quaid and his merry staff of lowbrow losers, plus Michael, against hordes of God-possessed zombies, clouds of flies, and angels in armor.

We've seen many variations on this before, most of them superior: The Prophecy, Feast, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight...but if you've already seen those and could stand another variation, this is reasonable entertainment. Nobody in the audience really cares whether or not Lucas Black wants to be a responsible daddy to his girlfriend's illegitimate kid, so those parts are a snooze, but Tyrese's 'hood rat is hilarious, as is a Satanic granny who eats raw meat and climbs walls.

Yes, the angels dress like Ben Affleck in Dogma, which is not a good sign. And it does seem pretty ridiculous that they have bulletproof wings, yet are vulnerable to such good old-fashioned techniques as a wrestling sleeper-hold. But if you wanted logic, you should have taken one look at the poster of an angel holding a machine gun and walked the other way. Needless to say, if you take your scripture seriously, you also might want to avoid this one.

It's good to see Charles S. Dutton on the big screen again, especially sporting a metal claw for a hand. And special praise goes out to Kevin Durand—the Blob in X-Men Origins: Wolverine—for his English accent and tearily earnest face as Michael's former colleague in heaven Gabriel. Director Scott Stewart, a former special-effects man, has not made a film for the ages, but he has made a decent piece of mindless entertainment.

From Paris with Love Has a Gun!

If you were to take From Paris with Love seriously, it'd be easy to be offended by its portrayal of women, minorities, Muslims, Asians, and anyone who isn't a big, loud American a-hole with a gun (i.e. John Travolta). Fortunately, it's nigh-impossible to take the movie seriously, so just enjoy the destruction.

The Bigger Picture: Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays Reece, assistant to the American ambassador in Paris. He wants more out of life, like some kind of big-deal assignment. This he gets, and then some, when he's assigned to partner up with Travolta's Charlie Wax, who's sort of like Sherlock Holmes crossed with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Wax is loud and reckless, but every ludicrous risk he takes invariably pays off. In his attempt to keep up, Reece ends up destroying every aspect of his former life.

Much like director Pierre Morel's previous action hit Taken, there's a curious reactionary sensibility at work here. In this story, women are all scheming back-stabbers, Arabs and Muslims are all terrorists, Asians deal drugs, lower-income minorities are all criminals, the French are totally ineffective. And diplomacy is stupid when you can solve all problems via the use of a large, acid-tipped handgun named "Mrs. Jones."

It's easy to say such things are relatively harmless in a lark like this, but then this reviewer just happens to be a loud-mouthed American a-hole, the one group about which director Morel has nothing bad to say. The film is bound to be a hit over here, but you just know the French audiences have to be cringing at the fear of what the movie might encourage.

"Relax," an audience member might say, "just turn your brain off and enjoy it." Such a hypothetical person makes a very good point.

The Wolfman a Gleeful, Gothy Gorefest

Benicio Del Toro gets hairier and crazier than usual as Lawrence Talbot, an Anglo-American actor and unlikely spawn of Anthony Hopkins, who becomes particularly dangerous, doggy-style, when the moon is full. Outstanding production design and heavy doses of gore render this a gleefully gothic tale, though the story could have used a bit more attention.



The Bigger Picture: This long-in-the-works remake of the Lon Chaney-starring horror classic has a troubled history, having changed directors at least once, and release dates at least twice.

In general, the seams don't show—if you liked Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow, which similarly updated a classic monster in period style with more modern detective work and violence, you'll like this, too.

Plus, it's been a long time since there was this much explicit carnage in a big-studio horror movie with A-list stars.

There are also plenty of cheap shocks: Any time the soundtrack suddenly starts to get superquiet, rest assured a loud bang waits around the corner.

Casting Del Toro in the lead role brings a different dynamic than the original; however, like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, he seems potentially sick and psychotic from the get-go, which is explained by a new backstory about how Talbot did time in a mental institution. It's a forgivable addition, although director Joe Johnston falters slightly when depicting Talbot's hallucination sequences, using cheap dissolves and superimpositions that seem creaky compared to the rest of the movie. Casting Hopkins and failing to rein him in at all is a similarly dubious call.

Gone is the Holocaust allegory that the 1941 film subtly presented, and in its place, the werewolf becomes more of a Dr. Jekyll addiction metaphor, complete with relapses and genetic predispositions. Not that this is supercerebral, or anything—full moons seem to occur practically every other day in this story, offering plenty of opportunity for bone-cracking transformations and limb-ripping action.

Stylistic shout-outs to the original, not to mention other forebears like King Kong and An American Werewolf in London, are nicely subtle.

There is one significant misstep into campy, too-much-CGI Van Helsing territory near the end, but fortunately things recover before all is said and done. You wanted your Wolfman scary? Mostly, you got it.

Valentine's Day Stuffs Too Many Stars Into a Movie-Shaped Box

Review in a Hurry: So many stars go whizzing by, the flick is more like Space Mountain: No cohesive story, but kinda fun nonetheless.

The Bigger Picture: Meet Liz (Anne Hathaway), a phone-sex operator dating a mail-room dude (Topher Grace). And now meet Julia (Jennifer Garner), a teacher falling for a married cardiologist (Patrick Dempsey) while being crushed on by an elementary school boy. And now say hi to Some Girl (Emma Roberts), who is trying to lose her virginity with That Guy Over There.

And that's—literally—not even the half of it.

Valentine's Day isn't so much a story as it is a very tightly packed box of mash notes, each one telling a story about a pair of adorable people making their way through the pinkest and second most commercial day of the year.

Each subplot is pretty predictable—or, at least, it should be. One third-act reveal managed to shock the audience at a recent screening, despite some pretty overt clues. But veteran director Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman) isn't really about the surprises in the chocolate box. He's more interested in reminding us about how sweet it all is.

To the movie's credit, Valentine's Day is packed with talent; we haven't even gotten to the oddly funny Taylor Swift, or legendary Shirley MacLaine, or the perfectly serviceable Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Biel—or actual A-lister Julia Roberts.

With few exceptions, Marshall presents each star at the maximum of his or her talents; in the few precious moments when Roberts owns the screen, she also owns the whole movie.

But in the end, the movie's star cast is more of a curse than a blessing. Just as one actor manages to capture our hearts on sheer charisma alone (like I said, the stories aren't exactly original), Marshall jerks us away and into another minidrama. And we can't help feeling like we're jumping back into the dating pool all over again.

Scorsese, DiCaprio join again in 'Shutter Island'

BERLIN - Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio celebrated nearly a decade working together as they presented the director's latest film, "Shutter Island," at the Berlin film festival Saturday.

Based on a novel by "Mystic River" author Dennis Lehane, the 1950s psychological thriller is the fourth film pairing Scorsese with DiCaprio, after "Gangs of New York" (2002), "The Aviator" (2004) and the Oscar-winning "The Departed" (2006).

"Each experience has been unique. It's been a progression, now it's been 10 years," DiCaprio, 35, said at a news conference with the director as their new film premiered out of competition in Berlin.

The two heaped praise on one another, with DiCaprio saying "the biggest gift that he's given me is an appreciation for cinema and cinema's history, and an entirely new perspective on my view of this art form."

"I grew up on his work, really," he said. "As a younger actor, you'd be a fool not to jump at the opportunity to work with somebody who I consider and many consider the definitive director of our time."

The 67-year-old director, for his part, said working with DiCaprio has lead to a special relationship.

"Trust is really the key" and was built up over time, Scorsese said, adding that they "really reached a kind of comradeship in 'The Departed.'"

"I see him as a young man developing as a wonderful actor," he said. "I'm very happy to be around when this is happening with somebody with such extraordinary talent, to be able to focus that and perfect it."

"Shutter Island" also stars Ben Kingsley, Patricia Clarkson, Mark Ruffalo and Michelle Williams. It is set in 1954, a time of Cold War paranoia, when Scorsese himself was growing up.

It follows the investigation into the disappearance of a murderess from a mental institution on an island. DiCaprio plays a U.S. Marshal in Boston looking for the woman, and his involvement in the case starts to make him question his own sanity.

"This was a complex jigsaw puzzle of emotional back stories and dream sequences and truth and fiction," DiCaprio said. "It was challenging and fulfilling."

Scorsese said he was attracted to the material in part "because it's set in the 50s and because of the tone of fear and paranoia and secrecy and trauma."

"I grew up during the 50s, I grew up during the Cold War, I grew up expecting air raids every day," he said. "That's what we were told."

Scorsese and DiCaprio may not be done collaborating yet.

"We're always talking about different projects," DiCaprio said. "If I'm lucky enough to work with him, I would consider it a gift."